Sunday, April 23, 2006

Hu understands the thoughts of chairman Bill

You got ot read this. I got this from google news feed (The Observer). This is hillarious.

John Naughton
Sunday April 23, 2006
The Observer

When President Hu Jintao of China arrived in the US last Wednesday, his first appointment was dinner with Bill Gates, co-founder and chairman of Microsoft, at Gates's mansion (aka San Simeon North) on the shores of Lake Washington. They dined on smoked guinea fowl, which had been shot at by the US Vice-President, Dick Cheney. (He missed, and hit one of his friends instead; the guinea fowl was later killed by humane means.) The pair were joined by Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, the Chinese ambassador to the US, a number of the President's aides and the deputy assistant head of protocol at the White House. Owing to an unpatched security hole in Gates's Windows-powered home-monitoring system, the meeting of the two Great Leaders was bugged and a transcript of their conversation has been obtained by The Observer ...
Gates: You Hu?

Hu: I am the President of China.

Gates: Cool. I'm the Chairman of Microsoft. (Hu bows.)

Hu: Because you, Mr Bill Gates, are a friend of China, I am a friend of Microsoft.

Gates: Wow! That's really cool. We're very interested in China, you know. Big market. Smart people.

Hu: We are pleased that many great US companies are coming to China - for example Google.

Ballmer: (Heatedly) Those sons of bitches. They stole one of our top Chinese execs ...

Gates: Cool it, Steve. Hu doesn't know about that.

Hu: We also have Yahoo in China. They are very co-operative in rooting out undesirable elements.

Ballmer: (Mutters.) Maybe they could help root out Google ...

Hu: We like Google very much. They are most understanding of our needs. Chinese people do not want to know about freedom and democracy. They just want to know where to buy BMW cars and plasma TVs and such things.

Gates: Now that you're here, Hu, I gotta problem I'd like to share with you.

Hu: I will be honoured to help you, Mr Bill Gates. What is your problem? Or, as your Harvard Business School says, should I call it an 'opportoonity'?

Gates: Eh? Oh, I see. Well it sure looks like a problem to me. You see you have a lot of PCs in China ...

Hu: (Proudly) Yes, we have already 500 million PCs...

Gates: ... and they're mostly running Windows XP.

Hu: (Beaming). Certainly. The latest version with Service Pack 2 installed. We are becoming a most leading-edge economy. Also they have Office Productivity Suite including PowerPoint. It is a most excellent situation. What is your problem, Mr Bill?

Gates: The problem is that, as far as we can see - and Steve here has looked at the figures - we only sold 153 Windows XP and 25 Office licences in the whole of China last year. Those damn PCs are all running bootleg - pirated - software and we haven't made a dime in licence fees on any of them. This is not good, Hu, not good at all ...

Ballmer: Too damn right ... And it all happens because your factories are shipping cheap PCs with blank hard drives and no pre-installed operating system. Then those lousy schmucks install ripped-off versions of our software on them.

(At this point, a Chinese official whispers in the President's ear. After a few moments, Hu turns back to Gates.)

Hu: (Gravely). I see why you are distressed, Mr Bill. And because China wishes to be friends with Microsoft, your distress also distresses me. But my officials tell me that we have solved the problem.

Gates: Cool. How?

Hu: Chinese factories will no longer turn out these - how you say? - naked PCs. All will come with operating system pre-installed.

Gates: Great stuff! Which version? Windows 2000 or XP? And don't forget Vista - we'll be shipping that soon.

Hu: No. Red Flag Linux. Made in China.

(At this point, Ballmer screams, picks up a chair and hurls it at the $250,000 video-wall in Gates's dining room, shattering screens and shorting the lights.)

Gates: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard, Hu.

Hu: I do not understand, Mr Bill. First you tell me that you don't like these PCs with no operating system, and then you say you don't like them with operating system. I am confused.

Gates: The thing is, Hu, that Linux system is bad news.

Ballmer: You said it, buddy. Spawn of the devil.

Hu: What is wrong with it?

Gates: Well, for starters, it's a system put together by a bunch of hippies.

Ballmer: It's like, totally un-American.

Hu: Does that mean it doesn't work?

Gates: No, it works fine. Better than that goddam pre-release version of Vista, in fact.

Hu: So why do you dislike it so much, Mr Bill?

Gates: Well, those damn hippies just give it away.

Ballmer: It's basically, well, communistic.

Hu: (Shocked) Ah, now I see. We are totally opposed to communism too, Mr Bill. How much will you charge for 500 million Vista licences?

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